To Obey, or Not to Obey...That Tis the Question

A couple of days ago I was talking with my friend who is getting ready to marry her "prince charming" next month. Her dilemma is having the word "OBEY" in her vows. Her fiance wants the traditional vows, but she on the other hand wants to exclude that part. She called me to ask what does the word "OBEY" means to me. Although, I did not respond right away because I felt she should not have asked a single woman like me, instead, she should have asked a married couple, minister, or premarital counselor.

I truly had to grasp my mind around it and put myself in her shoes. But when I did finally respond to her face-to-face, I could see that my logic kind of lifted this burden off her shoulders. Here was my response to her:

I want to let you in on what the word "OBEY" means to me after contemplating this sensitive subject as it relates to marrige. Let's start with the negative side of the word. When a man expects you to obey him like you are a child, he is overstepping his boundaries as well as the meaning of the word. A lot of men do this because they don't know the true meaning of the words "obey" and "submit" on a deeper level. Men who fall into this category is stripping you (the woman) of having your own mind, opinions, and decisions and this is not what is suppose to happen. "Women need to understand that they should never feel like they are a child when in marriage, the only person or people that needs to feel that way are the children!" Therefore, become more opened minded about the words versus the meanings that we are use to.

The problem in today's society is that people often equate obedience with power and domination and that should not be! According to the Bible "submission or obedience" is more about outlooks than individual rights. It is a desire to be unselfish and not to demand our own way and does not infer that once married a woman becomes a second-class citizen who relinquishes all of her rights. Equally, it certainly does not give a husband the right to demand that whatever he says goes. Rather it suggests a desire to accept the other's wishes not out of subjection but willingly, because of love. According to Paul, in a letter to the church in Ephesus (Ephesians 5:22) , he directed that it was necessary for "wives to submit to their husbands as to the Lord". But while this sounds very much like typical male domination he also instructed everyone, male and female to "submit to one another," which suggests a distinct view of an equal partnership.
The quote in Philippians helps us to understand that submission isn’t about position, but it is a choice. It doesn’t imply inferiority, but is about making a choice to submit to someone of equal status and position as yourself. The word submit simply means equality between two people who love one another.

I gave her a challenge before leaving: I told her to ask her fiance what does "OBEY" means to him and then give him her answer. Well true love never ends...they finally found a common ground and this dilemma has been resolved. Love is such a Beautiful thing!